The Power of Prayer Page 9

  I clapped my hand to my mouth. Is she reading my mind? How could she know this is my biggest fear? As my knees buckled, I grabbed the wall of the building to steady myself. The brick scratched against my palms, but I barely felt the pain.

  “Well, my husband didn’t know I’d had an abortion before we were married. In fact, I’d never told anyone but my closest friend, but I made the mistake of telling him about it on the way home from dinner that night. He was so upset in finding out that he lost control of the car and swerved into oncoming traffic, over-corrected, and sent us careening into a tree. The crash paralyzed me from my waist down and Henry suffered from a concussion and a pretty bad skull fracture. In one night, that “easy” decision I had made five years earlier produced a drastic result. It destroyed my baby and the life I wanted to have. For years now, I have wished thousands of times that I had just kept Isaac.

  “You know your baby was a boy?” I shivered as ice slipped through my veins.

  “I didn’t at first, but then the dreams came.”

  My knees buckled again. “He visits you in your dreams?”

  “Nearly every night.” Tears shone in the woman’s dark brown eyes. “At first, I hated those dreams because having an abortion was ‘my choice,’ and I didn’t like the guilt that greeted me every morning when I woke up. Eventually though, I realized that those dreams were the only link I would ever have to the biological child I could have had. He would have been thirty-five this year, and sometimes in the dreams I get the sense he would have married and had two or three kids himself. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret that decision I made so long ago. Now, I know what happened to me won’t happen to everyone, but do you want to take the chance of experiencing that risk?”

  I stumbled to the nearby bench and hung my head. My hands shook with the intense emotion flooding my body. “I don’t want that to happen to me, but how do I keep this baby when my fiancé doesn’t want it?”

  “Do you know the Lord?” Sandra placed a warm brown hand on my shoulder.

  I shook my head and sighed. “My mom does, I think, but how is that going to help me?”

  “Ah child, God loves you and wouldn’t want you to do anything against His will, so if your fiancé loves you, and if he is a Christian, then he shouldn’t want you to do anything against God’s will either. As for me, I have no doubt that abortion is against God’s will. He has made us all in His image and if we destroy that image, then we are telling God He isn’t important. Look... um... I’m sorry, what can I call you, dear?”

  “Callie. Callie Green.”

  The woman blinked, and her mouth fell open. “Callie Green? Is your mother Melanie Green?”

  I lifted my head to see the beginning of a smile stretching across Sandra’s face. “Yes, she is; how did you know that?”

  Her grin grew even bigger, her dark brown eyes sparkling. “Your mother goes to my church. She called me a few weeks ago and asked me to pray for you because your fiancé had left you. I’ve been praying ever since.” Her face grew serious, “Is your fiancé back in the picture then?”

  Heat flooded my face, and I stared down at my feet. “I’m not sure. He apologized and I thought he meant it, but now I’m seeing a side of him I never saw before, and I’m not sure I like it. Have you really been praying for me for weeks?”

  “Yes; and so have the rest of the prayer warriors I’m affiliated with. There’s about fifty of us; so you see, God must have a plan for this baby, because we didn’t even know you were pregnant. In fact, God led me to pray double for you as I’ve prayed for you since the first time I saw you here, not knowing you were already on my prayer list.”

  I stared at Sandra, eyes wide. “Why would you pray for a complete stranger?”

  Sandra sat back, but her eyes still shone. “Well, because that is what Jesus commissioned us to do. As Christians, we are to pray unceasingly, and believers in Christ are to tell as many people about Him as we can.” Her eyes dulled and she stared down at her hands for a minute. When she raised her head, tears sat on her lids. “But I also prayed for you due to my own past. Because of my poor choice and its consequences, this,” she pointed to the clinic, “is where I pray for the girls and women who come to make the same terrible decision I did. I see this effort as ministry before my Lord.”

  I tilted my head and raised an eyebrow. “How do you still seem so peaceful and happy after everything you have gone through?”

  Sandra smiled, but it appeared smaller than before, and her eyes clouded over. “Life isn’t always easy, dear. I still have many tough days, but Jesus is my peace. I pray to Him whenever I feel sad, and He eases my pain.”

  I thought of JD and how very much like him Sandra sounded. “I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone so strong with so much pain in their past.”

  Sandra dropped her head. “I wasn’t always strong. After the accident, I hit rock bottom. I reverted back to drinking, so I could dull the pain. I almost lost my marriage to Henry, but God sent Pastor Tony to us.” She smiled, and her eyes glazed as she continued, “Henry forced me to go to counseling with him, and Pastor Tony showed me how my life could still have purpose. He and his wife, Margaret, showed me real love. I mean, the love of Jesus shone through that man and his wife, and he showed me how to pray. He even gave me a leather prayer journal, and this time I really did come to know God. They arranged an interview for a job so I could get back on my feet, and they connected us with an adoption agency. If God hadn’t sent those two, I don’t know where I’d be, but you see with Jesus, you can do anything. And remember, if your fiancé tries to pressure you again or gives you an ultimatum, and if you lose him because you don’t do what he wants, Jesus will be there for you.”

  “Is that true, even if I’m not a believer in Him?”

  Sandra’s eyes crinkled as a small laugh escaped her lips. “Yes, even then, because He died for you. Have you ever heard of John 3:16?”

  I shook my head. I couldn’t remember the last time I had read anything in a Bible, though I was almost certain I had one somewhere at home, a present from my mother one Christmas. I hadn’t bothered to read it, and I had always tuned out my mother when she began talking about the Bible, so even if I had heard the verse, I wouldn’t remember it.

  “Well, John 3:16-17 says: ‘For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life... God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him’ He wants you to choose Him, Callie. He wants all of us to choose Him, but it is your choice to reject or submit to Him while He waits at the door of your heart.”

  “I think I like what you’re saying,” I said slowly, surprised to find that it was true, “but I’m not sure I’m ready to make that decision.”

  Sandra folded her hands in her lap. “That’s okay, dear; Jesus will be there when you are ready to decide. He never gives up on us. I’ll keep praying for you, and so will the prayer warriors at my church.”

  I left the abortion clinic relieved and uneasy at the same time. The tightly coiled spring of fear in my stomach had abated with the decision to save my baby, even if I ended putting him or her up for adoption, but a new trickling of nervousness emerged every time I thought of telling Daniel my decision. Would he stay with me or would he leave again? And did I even care if he left? Lately I had seen a different side of him than before. Or had he always been so terse and demanding? Had I been so focused on myself that I hadn’t seen the real him?

  Sandra’s words still rattled around in my head as I entered my apartment. I turned on the lights and headed straight to the bedroom. I think my old Bible is somewhere in here. Crossing to the bookshelf, I scanned the titles. No Bible. I tapped my cheek, furrowing my brow. Now where did I put it?

  As I turned to the bed, the picture of JD and me called to me from the top of the nightstand. A tingle tiptoed down my back, and I crossed to the nightstand. There on the bottom shelf was the B
ible, covered in a light coat of dust. I picked it up, wiping the dust off. As I held the book, the tingling flooded into my hands.

  I sat down on the bed and stared at the Bible. Having no idea where to begin, I simply let it fall open. My eyes scanned the black and white page and focused on Proverbs 3 verse 5: ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.’ I stared at the words and read them again. If I trusted God, would He clear the difficult path ahead of me and if He did, what would that mean?

  The sound of a key in the door pulled my attention from the page. Daniel. I snapped the Bible closed and placed it on the nightstand. After a deep, steadying breath, I headed to the living room to greet him.

  “What a day!” Daniel stormed in and threw his coat down on the couch.

  My stomach clenched, and my hands shook slightly at my side. “Oh, was it not a good day?”

  He rolled his eyes. “When is it?”

  I stared at him wondering if he had always been so negative or if I had been wearing blinders and was just now seeing his true colors? I tried to think back to the last time I remembered him being positive, apart from our time in the Caribbean, and drew a blank. Instead, images of quiet dinners when we were both absorbed in our work appeared. Instances when I wanted to talk to him, but his focus had been on the sports game he was watching and his body language had portrayed that now was not a good time followed. Was I ever really in love with him or was I just in love with the thought of him? I took a deep breath. It appeared there would be no perfect time and now was as good a time as any. “Well, I had an interesting day.”

  “Do you have dinner ready?” Daniel interrupted me, glancing toward the kitchen.

  “What? No, I... I must have forgotten about the time, Daniel; I’m trying to tell you something that’s important to me. I went to the abortion clinic today.”

  He sat down and grabbed the remote, not bothering to look at me. “Oh, good, did you get rid of the problem?”

  I winced at the harsh words falling from his mouth. Had I sounded like that? The image of me snapping at Sandra the first day flashed in my mind, and I cringed. I didn’t want to sound like that anymore. “No, I didn’t. I couldn’t. Daniel, I believe it is a baby.”

  He glared up at me, coldness in his eyes. “I thought we’d been through this already.”

  Rage bubbled in my core, and I bit back the words I wanted to shout at him, taking a deep breath instead. “You had, but I hadn’t. I’ve been having dreams – dreams of this beautiful little girl who is so sad. I think she’s my daughter. Then, I met one today.”

  “One what?” he said.

  “Remember when I told you that thirty percent of women who have abortions have reproductive problems later? Well, I met one of them today. She had one abortion, and then years later when she wanted to have a baby, she couldn’t.”

  Daniel stood, his eyes fire, and I took a step back in fear. “That doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to you.” Daniel advanced on me, and I took another step back unsure if he was going to hit me. He never had before, but I’d never seen him this mad either. “I thought I made this clear. I don’t want a baby right now, and I’m not sure I ever will.”

  The words stung as if they’d physically slapped me. “What?” I had always thought two children were in our perfect plan together.

  He took a deep breath, and his posture relaxed. “Look, Callie, I love you, but I don’t want to be a parent right now. I want to be able to do as I please, go where I want when I want, and I don’t want to be held back by a child’s needs.”

  “Do what you want? Like have more women like Shaina on the side?” I spat. “I thought she was the problem, but now I see she was just one effect of your bigger problem.” My hands balled into fists at my side, and my nostrils flared. How could he be so selfish? And why hadn’t I seen this side of him sooner? “I’ll tell you what, I won’t hold you back any longer either.”

  “Come on, Callie, be reasonable. You don’t need a baby if you have me.” He flashed his familiar charming smile and held out his hands, but I wasn’t fooled this time. For the first time in a long time, I was thinking clearly.

  Flexing my hands, I took another deep breath. The steadiness of my voice surprised me. “I don’t need you, Daniel; I thought I did, but I’m beginning to think I need Jesus instead.”

  “Wait, what?” His mouth dropped open and his eyebrows drew together. “Are you becoming a Christian too?” Disdain distorted his voice.

  “I’m not sure yet,” I replied, crossing my arms, “but this lady I met today was a much better example to me than you have ever been.”

  “Well, when you come to your senses, you know where to find me,” Daniel picked up his coat and jammed his arms in the sleeves, “but not while you still have a baby.”

  He slammed the front door behind him, and I sank down on the couch dropping my head in my hands. Questions flooded my mind. Had I done the right thing? How would I deal with this pregnancy alone? My head popped up. My mom, of course; she was always there when I needed her. I pulled out my phone, but then paused, biting my lip. I hadn’t even told my mom I was pregnant yet, but surely she would still support me. I tapped the numbers and listened as it rang. “Mom, can you come over? I need to talk with you.”

  Chapter 12

  I jumped up from the couch when the knock sounded and flew across the room to open the door. “Oh, Mom, I need your help.” I stepped into my mother’s bewildered embrace and squeezed her tightly.

  “I know something has been bothering you,” my mother said as we pulled back. “Why don’t you tell me what it is?”

  After shutting the door, I motioned her to follow me to the couch. “I’ve made such a mess of things.” I took a deep breath and began the sordid story. “I was feeling sorry for myself after Daniel left, and I went drinking with Lexi. Daniel’s coat was hanging by my door and it was mocking me, so I didn’t want to go home.”

  My mother shook her head in confusion, and I tried again to make the words in my head make sense as they spewed out of my mouth. “I met a guy; he seemed nice; and he made me feel pretty.” I glanced up under lowered lids, “I know I shouldn’t have, but I ended up staying the night at his place.”

  My mother sucked in her breath, “Oh, Callie.”

  I held up a hand. “It gets worse, Mom. Daniel contacted me while I was on vacation, and I agreed to give him another shot.”

  I hadn’t thought my mother’s eyes could get any wider, but they did. Still, she said nothing, letting me continue the story.

  “Anyway, after we got back, I started getting sick. I thought it was food poisoning or something, but, Mom, I went to a doctor, and I’m pregnant.”

  My mother’s face froze, and her posture stiffened. I couldn’t tell what was going on in her head. I waited for a minute, but she remained silent, so I continued, “Daniel wanted me to get an abortion.”

  She gasped and brought her hand to her mouth. “Tell me you didn’t, Callie. Even though I wouldn’t encourage a pregnancy out of wedlock, I would never want you to terminate it.”

  My chin trembled,.“I was going to, but then I started researching the procedure and having dreams of this beautiful little girl, and I almost changed my mind. Then Daniel seemed to make so much sense about timing, and I went to the clinic, but I still wasn’t sure; the final straw that changed my mind was Sandra.”

  “Sandra? What does she have to do with this?”

  “She sits outside the abortion clinic, Mom. She told me her story, and I couldn’t go through with it. Then she said you asked her to pray for me after Daniel left. She’s been praying for me for weeks”

  “Thank heavens she was,” my mother sighed. “So, is Daniel gone for good this time?”

  I nodded and dropped my eyes, still battling the embarrassment of being conned. “I started to see his true personality, and I didn’t like it. He was so callous, and he to
ld me I had to choose between him and the baby, so I chose the baby.”

  “I’m glad, Callie.” She squeezed my hands. “You may have made some mistakes, but that decision was very smart. Now, you need to find the father and tell him. He deserves to know, too.”

  I blinked in surprise. The thought of telling Brent had never occurred to me. It was too embarrassing to think about, but I supposed my mother was right. He did deserve to know. “I drove from his apartment the next morning, so his cross streets are still in my GPS, and I think I would remember his apartment. I’ll go tomorrow.”

  “Don’t go alone, and let’s pray for God’s hand to guide this situation from now on,” my mother suggested.

  I nodded, suddenly deciding that what I wanted more than anything was God in control of my life. “I think I’m ready now, mom; can you tell me how to pray to accept Jesus as my savior?”

  “It would be my pleasure,” she said, hugging me.

  After my mother had gone, I plodded into the bedroom. I wonder if she’ll visit again tonight. A smile tugged at my lips at the thought. If she came tonight, surely the dream would mirror the peace and happiness that I was feeling. As I brushed my teeth, I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. Did I look a little different? I sure felt different. Now I understood why JD and Sandra had seemed so content. They must feel this same peace that was flowing through my veins. Why had I waited so long to accept God?

  After I finished in the bathroom, I changed into pajamas and climbed into bed. I picked up the Bible, no longer covered in dust and spied the picture of JD. Turning it over, I read the message again. JD had been praying for me, too. It can’t be a coincidence, all those people praying for me at the same time. I touched his face, feeling a tiny pang of regret. If only I hadn’t let Daniel back in, maybe something would have happened with JD. I wondered if I would ever get another chance with him. With a small sigh, I replaced the picture and turned back to the Bible.