A Past Forgiven Read online

  Jess accepted Chad’s help in climbing out of the truck and self-consciously ran her hands across her stomach as he crossed to the back of the truck to get the luggage. The blue coat she had picked up hid most of the protruding bump, but it would be seen as soon as the coat was removed.

  “You look beautiful,” Chad said, rounding the truck with the suitcases and noticing her nervous gesture. Jess shot him a grateful smile as they ascended the steps. Though still the handsome and intriguing guy she had first met, Chad had accepted the role of encourager easily, which had only deepened her love for him.

  “Chad,” his sister shouted as the two entered. His sister was a freshman with long brown hair, big brown eyes, and wire-framed glasses. She threw her arms around Chad’s neck, squeezing until he cried Uncle. “I knew I could get you one day,” she said triumphantly before turning inquisitive eyes on Jess.

  “Hey, Kendra, this is my girlfriend Jess.”

  Kendra stuck out her hand and smiled at Jess. “It’s nice to meet you. After he came home for Thanksgiving alone, I wondered if you were even real.”

  Jess laughed and returned the handshake. “Well, here I am.”

  “Come on, Mom’s making cookies,” Kendra said before spinning around and dashing ahead of them down the hallway.

  Chad and Jess continued into the kitchen where his mother was indeed rolling dough into little round balls. She had the same dark hair as Chad and his sister, and a warm smile.

  “You must be Jess. I’m Tanya.”

  Jess nodded, expecting a handshake, but instead Chad’s mother pulled her in for a hug. Jess’s eyes widened as she realized his mother would feel the baby bump. The surprise registered on his mother’s face as she pulled back, and Jess shot Chad a glance. They would have to spill the news even earlier than planned.

  Chad took the hint and jumped in, grabbing his mother’s attention. “Hey, Mom, is Dad around?”

  His mother nodded, calling for her husband, Frank, to join them. She put the tray into the oven, set a timer, and wiped her hands on a nearby towel. His father, an older version of Chad, only with a full beard and salt and pepper hair, stepped into the kitchen and hugged Chad before turning to shake Jess’s hand.

  “Can we go in your office for a second?” Chad asked.

  His mother and father exchanged a glance but nodded and led the way. Jess’s heart thudded in her chest as they followed.

  Frank’s office was small, but inviting, decorated in earth tones. Family pictures lined the walls, giving it a homey feel as well.

  The door shut, and Chad grabbed Jess’s hand and gave it a squeeze. They had decided on the way here that she would start the conversation, but her throat was now dry and scratchy. A long swallow returned a semblance of peace, and she opened her mouth.

  “Um, so I wanted to thank you both for inviting me to come and spend the holidays with you. My relationship with my mom is still a little rocky, but I wanted to be honest with you. I”—she glanced over at Chad—“We made mistakes before finding God this year, and, um, I’m pregnant.”

  Frank’s eyes enlarged to the size of saucers. Tanya had probably already suspected this information, but her mouth pulled into a tight line.

  “Jess was going to put the baby up for adoption,” Chad said, stepping in, “but I convinced her to keep it. We’re going to raise the child together.”

  “You’re going to what?” His father’s words exploded from his mouth causing his head to shake with the ferocity.

  Tanya laid her hand on Frank’s arm. “Is this what brought you back to God, Chad?” Her stoic face held no emotion, but her soft voice was full of love.

  Chad nodded. “It started with Kyle’s journal as I told you, but I really committed when Jess told me she was pregnant. I know we’re young, but I couldn’t get her out of my head. So, we started dating, but I kept thinking about the baby. When I came home for Thanksgiving and remembered how great it was to be a family, well, then this feeling covered me. I knew we had to keep the baby and be a family.”

  He squeezed Jess’s hand again, and though the words were meant for his parents, he said them with his gaze locked on Jess. “I promised Jess I would clean up my act, and I have. We know we messed up, but we’re trying to make it right.”

  Frank’s face was still a few shades darker than his normal color, but his mouth had closed and his anger was starting to fade.

  “That is admirable,” Tanya said. “It’s not the way I hoped to become a grandmother, but if this event has brought you home, then I can’t say I wish it hadn’t happened.” Frank nodded beside her though he appeared to be deciding if he should say more. “There will be no sharing of rooms while you are here under our roof though.”

  “No, ma’am. We haven’t anyway since we got back together.” A blush colored Jess’s cheek as she offered up the intimate information.

  “Good,” his mother said. “Well, let’s not let this news ruin our evening. We will pray for this baby and the path you now face, which will be harder, but not impossible. We're glad you have changed your paths though, and we hope the two of you will remember this as your relationship deepens.”

  “We will, Mom,” Chad said, squeezing Jess’s hand again and shooting her a soft smile. Relief flooded over her. She couldn’t believe how amazing his family was being.

  Chad’s mom nodded. “Now, I need to finish baking cookies. How about you come and help me?” She grabbed Jess and pulled her back to the kitchen to finish helping with the cookies. Jess donned an apron, happily chipping in.

  After dinner, Jess helped Tanya clear the dishes, and then Chad whisked her away for a walk.

  “Don’t go too far,” his mother called after them. “The snow is supposed to hit any time now.”

  Jess and Chad shared a secret smile as they bundled up. The December air was crisp, and their breath rose in smoky wisps from their lips. A light dusting of white made the yard seem almost magical. Chad thought back to the many winters he and Kyle had built snowmen or had snowball fights.

  “Your parents took the news better than I thought they would,” Jess said as they walked up his driveway.

  Chad chuckled and clasped her hand. “They’re still angry or maybe disappointed is a better word, but too polite to show it while you’re here.”

  “Is it hard?” she asked. “Being home where memories of your brother are stronger?”

  “It’s always hard,” Chad said. “Some memories never go away.” He saw a flicker of something cross her face and was just about to ask her what was wrong when a drop of coldness touched his cheek. He glanced up to see snow falling slowly from the sky.

  “Come on, we better get back in before your mother freaks on us,” Jess said, tugging on his hand.

  Chad raised his face and stuck out his tongue, attempting to catch a snowflake. “Juth a thecond,” he said. Laughing, Jess grabbed his arm and pulled him back to the house. They were still laughing as they tumbled through the front door.

  “There you are. I was just about to send your sister after you. There’s hot chocolate in the kitchen. Why don’t you go warm up?”

  After hanging up their coats, they wandered into the kitchen and poured two mugs of hot chocolate. The rest of the family was gathered in the living room, and Chad and Jess joined them, mugs in hand.

  Jess took a seat next to Kendra on the tan leather couch. Chad sat beside her. With a small smile, Kendra passed Jess a Bible, which she opened and followed along as Chad’s father led a Bible Study. It felt a lot like the small group back home with Jared, Emily, Chase, and Sarah. More than that, though, it felt like home.

  The Bible study had just concluded when Jess felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. She knew, without even pulling it out, who it was. Her mother had been calling all week and Jess had been avoiding her calls because she still didn’t know what she wanted to do. However, since she didn’t want her mother bugging her all break, she decided to take the call and tell her mother she needed more time.

&nb
sp; “I should take this,” Jess whispered to Chad. “I’ll be right back.”

  His brow furrowed together in confusion, but he nodded and Jess slipped out of the room, punching the call button as she went.

  “Hi, Mom,” she said quietly as she walked down the hall to the room she’d be sleeping in.

  “Jess? Oh, I’m so glad I finally got ahold of you. Why are you whispering?”

  “Because I’m at Chad’s house and I don’t really want anyone to hear this conversation,” Jess hissed.

  “You haven’t told him yet?” her mother asked.

  “No, I haven’t told him yet. If I tell him, I’ll lose him. No man wants a woman with a past like mine. So, please stop calling me before you ruin everything.”

  “Jess, I need to know your answer. They moved Jim’s hearings up. They are happening next month.”

  “I’ll think about it, Mom. I promise, but I have to go now.” With that, Jess ended the call before her mother could say anything else.

  “What’s going on, Jess?” Chad said from the doorway.

  She hadn’t heard the door open and she cursed herself for not paying closer attention. “Nothing,” she lied, letting the old habit sneak back in. She had once been a master at lying. “Just a professor who needed to speak with me about one of my finals.”

  Jess had no idea how much Chad had heard, but as his face dropped, she knew he had heard enough to not believe her story.

  “That wasn’t a professor, Jess,” he said, and she cringed at the emotionless tone of his voice. “What’s really going on? Is there someone else?”

  “Is that what you think?” Jess asked. Anger boiled inside her. He was just like all the other men she’d known after all.

  “I don’t know what to think,” he said. “You won’t talk to me. You’ve been withdrawn ever since your mother came to visit. I thought maybe you were just worried about your finals, but they’re over now, so what is it? What’s going on with you?”

  She knew she hadn’t been acting completely normal, but she couldn’t believe he would immediately think there was someone else. “You know what? If you think I could just jump to another guy, then maybe I should. It’s all you’ll ever see me as, right? The unfaithful tramp.”

  “Jess, stop,” he said, shaking her shoulders. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, but I’m worried about you and I’m worried about this secret you’re keeping from me.”

  The anger fizzled, and tears flooded Jess’s eyes. “I can’t tell you. It will change everything.” She crumpled to the floor and dropped her face in her hands.

  “Jess,” he said, sitting beside her. “I don’t care what’s in your past. Whatever it is, we can make it through, but we won’t make it if you keep secrets from me. That’s no way to start a marriage.”

  “Marriage?” she asked, splaying her fingers enough to look at him.

  “Yeah, marriage,” Chad said with a lopsided grin. “This isn’t quite how I planned it, but I was going to ask you to marry me, Jess Peterson.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black, velvet box.

  Her breath caught in her throat, sending out a hitching sob as he opened the box. Inside was a small gold band with a single tiny diamond in the middle.

  “I know it’s not much,” he said. “You deserve way more and one day I promise I’ll get you a better ring, but I want us to be married before the baby comes.”

  “It’s beautiful, Chad,” Jess said as she dropped her hands, “but I can’t say yes until I tell you everything. I should have told you before, but I’m so ashamed.” With a final shaky inhale, Jess gathered her breath and began the story of her sordid past.

  As Chad listened to her speak, an intense sadness filled his soul. No one should ever have to go through the unspeakable acts Jess had endured. That sadness was quickly replaced with anger when she reached the part about testifying.

  “That monster’s still alive?” Chad hissed.

  “He is,” Jess said, “and I have the chance to speak at his hearing. My testimony could put him away, but I’m not sure I can do it.”

  Chad took her chin in his hands. “Jess, you are the strongest woman I know. You can do this, and I will be right there by your side.”

  “You mean you still want me?” Jess asked, her voice incredulous.

  “Of course, I still want you,” Chad said. “None of what happened was your fault. You were a victim. It doesn’t change my opinion of you one bit, except maybe to make me love you even more. So, will you accept my proposal now and agree to be my wife?”

  “Your proposal could use some work,” Jess said with a laugh.

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, pulling out the ring. “Though in my defense, this was not the proposal I had planned.”

  “I’m sorry I ruined it,” Jess said.

  “You didn’t ruin anything,” Chad said. “I don’t care about the proposal as long as the answer is yes. So, is it?”

  “Yes,” Jess said as he slid the ring on her finger. “It’s a yes.”

  Chapter 23

  “Okay, so we have the church booked and the pastor taken care of,” Tanya said as she tapped the pen against the paper. “What am I missing?”

  “Invitations,” Jess said. “I know we’re calling people since it’s such short notice, but I’d still like to send out traditional invitations to your friends and family since we have a few weeks, and I’d like to have one as a keepsake.”

  “What about your friends and family?” Tanya asked.

  “We can send one to my mom,” Jess answered, “but all my friends are the people I’ve met this year, and I don’t know their dorm addresses, except Emily’s and that’s only because it’s my address too. Besides, most are probably home on break, and I don’t even know where all of them call home.”

  “Okay then,” Tanya said, scratching the pen across the paper. “We’ll have fifty made to send out to our side of the family. That leaves….”

  “Cake,” Kendra answered entering the room. She had a bag of carrots in her hand. Jess bit back a smile because over the last few days, she had learned Kendra was obsessed with food. Jess rarely saw her without something in her hand though it was usually healthy. And on the few occasions she wasn’t eating, she was chomping on gum.

  “Right, cake,” Tanya said, adding it to the list. “We can visit some shops today and taste some. I’m not sure if they’ll be backed up, so we better do it as soon as possible. Also flowers. I’m not sure what you had in mind, but we should look into those quickly too.”

  Jess had no idea what she had in mind. She had honestly never thought about marriage after her mother’s failed attempts, so there had been no girly daydreams growing up. And she had only been engaged for five days, so she’d had little time to think of what she wanted, but she understood the need to rush the planning.

  She and Chad had agreed they wanted to have the wedding before the baby’s birth and that pretty much left weekends, Spring Break, or the rest of winter break. Doing it on a weekend had just seemed too hectic, and Jess had opted for winter break over Spring Break so that she wouldn’t be huge walking down the aisle. Though most of her friends already knew about the baby, she still fought the emotions of feeling like people were judging her and getting married while she was still only slightly showing would help with that. Plus, since college breaks were longer, it gave them nearly a month to plan the wedding before classes started again.

  “Can we look at a dress too?” Jess asked quietly. “I don’t have much money, but hopefully there’s a rental store or something around here that I can afford.”

  Tanya put down the pen and crossed to Jess. “Actually, my dear, Frank and I would like to buy your dress as a wedding gift to you.”

  “Oh, I couldn’t let you do that,” Jess said.

  “No, we want to. It was always our plan to pay for the honeymoon, but since it seems you two won’t be having one right away, we would like to do this instead.”

  Jess sho
ok her head. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say thank you,” Kendra said and then chomped down on her carrot stick.

  “Thank you,” Jess said, blinking back the tears that had suddenly filled her eyes.

  Chad walked in as Jess ran a hand across her eyes. “Hey, what’s this? I thought this was going to be a happy day.”

  “It is,” Jess said. “Your mom offered to buy my dress.”

  A feeling of deep gratitude filled Chad, and he mouthed a silent thank you at his mother. He knew Jess had little money and her mother was still getting on her feet. “Sweet. When do we go?”

  “You can’t go with her to pick the dress,” Kendra said. “You can’t see the bride before the wedding, remember?”

  “So, I’m stuck here all day while you all have the fun?” he asked.

  “No, you can come with us to pick the cake, flowers, and invitations,” his mother said. “Then you can do something else while we pick the dress.”

  “Sounds good,” Chad said. Ever since their big conversation and the proposal five days ago, Chad hadn’t wanted to let Jess out of his sight. Though he knew it was unfounded, a tiny piece of him worried she would change her mind and run away. He had been glad when she opted for the quick wedding.

  “Great. Are we ready now?” Kendra asked. “I could use some cake.”

  Chad and Jess shared a glance and snickered.

  “What?” Kendra asked. “What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing,” Chad said. Telling her would ruin the fun of teasing her.

  “Let’s go,” his mother said, glancing at her watch. “It’s after ten already and we have a lot to do.”

  It was after four by the time the group made it to the dress shop. Chad had excused himself to get a cup of coffee from the nearby cafe while the girls picked out a dress.

  An older woman with a kind face approached them as they entered. “Hello, my name is Angela. What can I do for you today?” she asked.